Ladies… (Marilyn here)

Let’s talk about cum.  Does it horrify you? Disgust you?  It shouldn’t!  I’ll tell you why- if you think about it a little bit, you’ll know I’m right.  First, most of us gals are programmed that slimy = icky.  Well, sometimes that can be true, but how often do you eat slimy food?  Yogurt, oysters, pudding: there are dozens of ‘slimy’ things we eat all the time.   The most important psychological point I want to make however, is what is cum?

I don’t mean the dictionary definition, or what’s the nutritional composition is- don’t think about it on a physical level… I mean think about it.  Cum is the cumulative effect of both physical and mental stimulation.  A man cumming is a symbol of his achieving physical and mental nirvana from sexual stimulation. It is his sexual love. When a man is engaged in intercourse with you, or receiving oral sex, etc- he is enjoying both the physical and the mental stimulus associated with it.  His coming to orgasm is an expression that says, “I am happy, content, and most of all, pleased!”.  In other words, you have done well (even if you’re just lying there, he’s enjoying your body, the thought of the intimacy with you!).  

Enjoy it for what it is!  His pleasure, his token to you- that where he is, what he is doing, is making him incredibly happy- if even for just those moments.  You can’t touch love, or see it- but I honestly believe that my man’s cum is the closest thing I can get to his giving me his physical love- his body and mind collaborating to create and give me that symbol of appreciation. So take it for just that! Enjoy it!

Personally, when he comes on my face- I think I’m subconsciously feeling like I’m actually bathing in him. Feeling his warmth, the love for me.  Sometimes I’ll spread it around on my face, maybe I’ll take it and put it into my mouth to taste him (believe me- it’s a taste you can not only get used to-but to almost crave!). I may take it and rub it all over my breasts, or put some inside of me (also enjoying the stimulation of my fingers).  It is very erotic and sensual- if you let it.  We don’t always end our sex the same way- sometimes he will come inside of me, sometimes on my face, or in my mouth.  If either of us are feeling like we ‘want it’ somewhere in particular- a sensual whisper will whip him into that ending sexual frenzy!

Let go of your preconceived notions, and enjoy his and yoursexuality!

Ladies (Jack here).. I must say I wholeheartedly agree with my wife.  When I cum on her- I feel like I’m giving something of myself to her (something I had never used to think about- it was subconscious).  Where I orgasm actually can increase the intensity.  From talking to some other men, we can be different- but for me- coming in her mouth is usually the most intense, followed inside her doggy-style, on her face, inside her vagina, and then anywhere else is about the same. 

When she ‘plays’ with it, or licks her lips, etc- (showing me she’s loves my ‘gift’), it arouses me even more- sometimes enough for another go-round, but if not- I am already looking forward to our next lovemaking session!  Wow!  I’m getting a bit excited just thinking about her licking my cum off of her face. Ohhhhh honeyyyy… ;)

Men’s top Fantasies.  Probably won’t be a lot of surprises here, but sometimes the reason why, just might surprise the women.  Ladies, how about helping the guys out here… you might just find yourself wondering “why didn’t we do this sooner?”

Being Watched - not much to say, other than don’t do it so you end up in cuffs (and not the fuzzy kind).

Sharing his Partner-  many various reasons here, including fantasizing about the woman’s submission, his own humiliation, or simply seeing her pleasured in a way he can’t do all by himself.  A twist on this is watching while another guy does her.  Quite a few have actually fantasized about it- but few have the courage or real desire to act on it. 

Oral Sex- both directions here.  Ladies: most guys actually love to give as well as get (and you thought guys were all selfish).  Fellatio and cunnilingus are both popular daytime and nighttime fantasies.  Don’t overlook this simple one if you’re not enjoying now.

Various orifices- You ladies have a lot of body parts we like to fuck (pardon my French).  Besides the ol’ vagina… we would like to use your mouth, ass, breasts, feet, armpit, or any other body part(s) that might be a particular fetish to us.  Not all guys want to use your feet- but when your lover asks…you shouldn’t have a shocked look on your face.

Sexy Outfits- Sometimes it’s a teddy, corset, or stockings.  Other times it’s a nurse’s outfit, naughty schoolgirl, or in his clothes.  It could even go as far as a ‘furry’- that is, an animal costume.  

Location, location, location- sometimes just getting out of the bedroom is an incredible stimulus (for both of you).  It could be within the house- try a different room every night until you hit them all (don’t forget on the washer during the spin cycle).  Outside- in the garden, in the woods, in the car, an abandoned building, his office. Use your imaginations- both of you!

Voyeurism- It’s not just men…women like to watch too. Make it a game.  Just try not to be too illegal about it.

Domination- (him being dominated) many men already get to act out some forms of domination (or at least are imagining they are dominating), so being dominated tends to be more of a ‘fantasy’ for some guys.  Tie him up, tie him down.  Make him squirm.  

Threesomes- most often, the male fantasizes about a FFM (female, female, male). Ladies- don’t automatically shoot down this one.  Honestly- 99% of guys out there aren’t going to leave you for a third person you let in the bedroom.  In fact- a large portion are actually going to love you even more- that you’re so willing to fulfill his dream(s).  Communication between both of you is essential- everything from who, and what the expectations and roles are.  Settle it before you bring another girl home.  

Bottom line here is:  Have some fun!  Fantasies are about the unusual- something you normally wouldn’t do.  Sometimes acting out a fantasy once is enough for him- because often the male fantasy is driven by the ego, and once that’s been satisfied in the real world- sometimes there’s no need for it to remain in his list of things he wants to do.  Let me know some of your fantasies.  I might just add them to the list of popular fantasies here.  Let me know if you’ve managed to check them all off your ‘bucket list’ as well!

Women’s Top Fantasies.  Yes guys, women have fantasies too.  Some might surprise you. Some might actually be your fantasies too.  Either way, talk about exploring them with your partner.  See our other photo blog discussing fantasies.  Here are some of the most popular fantasies for women:

Domination (her dominating him)

Domination (him dominating her)

Teacher/Student (naughty girl- or teacher…)

Sex w/a stranger - we certainly don’t recommend a woman just pick up a stranger and do him all by herself, so unless her partner is willing to watch, an alternative is you can role play where you ‘meet’ a stranger(your partner) at the store, and you make love somewhere ‘dangerous’- like the car, in back of the building, restroom, etc.  Play it up- be coy, explore your naughty side- it’s a safe way act out this fantasy.

Threesome- with Another Woman (guys- don’t assume she wants the other woman for you.  Talk about the role the other woman is supposed to play before you hook up)

Threesome- with Two Men (guys- don’t automatically be threatened.  Talk about it, and the role the third guy will play beforehand)  It is usually recommended that with the threesome fantasies the partner of the same sex chooses (partner needs to be ok with choice, though) and approaches the third, and that he/she be an anonymous person- unless all of you believe and agree that adding someone you know as a third won’t get ‘weird’ later.

Voyeurism- believe it or not, many women like to watch.  It’s her way of being ‘naughty’ without ‘getting dirty’ herself.  Talk about it.  Think of it as ‘live porn’.  Recreating what she saw is at least half the fun.

Force Fantasies- this could be anything from a ‘little rougher than normal’ sex- to being totally dominated.  Talk is key here- especially limits.  Ladies, don’t be afraid to start easy, and ask your man to get rougher if that’s what you want- either during your session, or afterwards- for next time. Guys- don’t be shocked at how rough she might like it, and don’t assume she wants it that way every time.  It’s about enjoying a fantasy!

Exhibitionism- many forms here.  It could be as simple as home movies for just the two of you, you could post explicit pictures anonymously on the internet (block out her eyes or wear sunglasses for extra anonymity), she might want to do it in a semi-public place where you may or may not be seen by strangers, or walking through a park naked!  (think about negative outcomes if you get caught beforehand, if you go to the extremes)

Private Dancer- many women would love to be a stripper, if for nothing more than a night.  Women- don’t let your weight, or looks, or ability hold you back from this fantasy- trust me, your guy will love the thought of such an act.  Guys- I hope I don’t have to say anything about her trying- even if she’s not the most graceful…remember you’re about to have a great night of sex ahead of you by letting her lose her inhibitions in front of you.

Remember guys and gals- it’s about fun, and exploring yoursexuality…. don’t take anything too seriously, other than the communication needed to be successful.

Fantasies.  We all have them.  Men and women. Why not explore them?  Usually fantasies don’t get explored simply because there’s no dialog- no communication between partners.  Often it’s due to social fears- maybe you might think your partner might laugh.  They might say no.  You were raised that it was ‘taboo’.

Sometimes we need to think how we approach our (your)sexuality.  Communication can not be stressed enough- no matter which side of the discussion you fall on.  Explain why you like your fantasy if you can.  Explain why you don’t like your partner’s fantasy.  Talk, but also think.  Is your reason for not wanting to give your partner his/her fantasy real,  or is it because you’ve never done that- or were you taught that it was taboo, or not for ‘nice girls’?  Could it really hurt to try?  Unless it’s illegal, or dangerous- we need to at least give our partner’s fantasy a legitimate chance through thought and conversation.

Check out the other photo blogs with some fantasy ideas for each sex- based on real, popular fantasies for both men and women.  Try them one at a time…let me know if you’ve got some ideas I might add.  Let me know if you’ve succeeded in fulfilling all of the ones listed!

Not all fantasies (or fetishes) are for everyone.  Not everyone responds positively to the idea of wearing a leather hood, or a threesome.  But then, if you never ask…

Let me make a suggestion for those with ‘darker’ fantasies- work your partner up to them. Start with some easy fantasies (they don’t even have to be your fantasy).  Start with a blindfold.  Next time, heavy spanking.  After that, hot wax from a candle.  It doesn’t really matter what these stepped up fantasies are- but the key is to respond positively to your partner fulfilling your fantasy.  It’s a simple encouragement technique. (it doesn’t hurt to fulfill a fantasy or two of your partner along the way)  Eventually you’ll either work your way to your partner’s hard limit- or you’ll reach your dark fantasy…either way- you’ll have fun along the way!

Bondage & Submission. Unless you are into “Scene”, you are probably more ignorant than you realize about the subject.  There are probably more levels of BDSM that you haven’t heard of, than those you have.  Have you ever pinned someones arms to the bed (or had your arms pinned?).  Had your hair pulled?  Guess what?  BDSM!  

BDSM is the use of restraints, usually resulting in heightened sensory stimulation, that can include fantasy role play and/or sadomasochism.  Many people think of whips, chains, and pain as an integral part of BDSM, but the reality is those who include infliction of pain are a very small percentage of those who take part in it.  Most bondage goes no further than soft ropes, a blindfold, furry handcuffs, or using a necktie to bind hands or legs.  The people who practice the ‘harder’ stuff tend to fall into three categories- seeking a higher level of excitement/stimulation/control, addictive personalities, or for psychological reasons.

Why bondage at all?  Why make any flavor of ice cream other than vanilla? [vanilla- a scene term for a plain life]  Because other flavors excite your senses!  When you submit to the control of your partner- your senses become more acutely aware of what’s happening to you (especially if you are blindfolded as well).  The lightest touch can flood the brain with stimuli as your partner explores your body.  You can not control where they go, what they do- the eroticism can be intoxicating.  Even the thought of what they might do can drive your senses crazy in anticipation.  

The introduction of bondage to your sex life can be difficult for some- relinquishing control to another person can be daunting- even for couples who have been together for years.  It does require both a dominant and a submissive.  Once you decide to relinquish control- it’s easy to be submissive- you simply enjoy!  Being dominant can be more difficult- it’s not just about being in charge- you must be able to maintain the trust that the submissive has given, and not only be dominant and pleasure(or pain) giving, but loving- something that is easier said than done.  Some couples (or individuals with multiple partners) may ‘switch’- that is, take turns being the dominant or submissive.

There are many websites and blogs dedicated to all forms and levels of bondage.  Explore some, and then try it for yourselves.  If you can try it with a truly open mind- you’ll keep it as a regular part of your sex life- and thank me for it!  

(Source: theguccislut, via xemxija)

For her: Both sexes are capable of cheating on each other.  Let’s get that very clear.  Statistics show men are slightly more prone to cheat than women, so we’ll concentrate on that today.

Ladies- why do you suppose men cheat?  Because they’re lying dogs? Horny bags of testosterone? Because of you? Wait- what did she say?!  You heard me.  I’ll give you the fact that some guys are going to cheat no matter who you are or what you do, but a majority of infidelities occur because of the spouse- directly or indirectly (this works both ways, so don’t get smug fellas).  A huge majority of men who take those wedding vows, take them with the intention of keeping them.  So what changed?  Well, most often the dynamic of the relationship has changed. Of course some changes are naturally going to happen- but other changes- especially the ones that may cause infidelity, can usually be prevented.  This can be painful for a victim of infidelity to face, but a stark reality.  When a man decides to marry a woman, there’s usually a list of qualities he loves in you.  When those qualities change- it can lead to infidelity.  Some typical qualities might be: She does little things to show she cares, she is supportive, is exciting, attractiveness, sense of humor, understanding, and yes- sex.

Some changes in these qualities can be overlooked, or compensated for by the male psyche.  Others- especially if they are important to the man- can not.  Due to the nature of this blog- I’m of course going to concentrate on one dynamic- sex (along with it’s cohorts: attractiveness and excitement).   For you women in older relationships- pay close attention.  For you younger ladies- keep what I am telling you in mind for future reference.

Some men just have a higher libido than others.  It’s just a fact of life, and nature.  It’s not his fault, and he can’t change it, and neither can you (it can be suppressed- but at what long-term cost?).  When he married you- what was your sex life like?  3, 4, 5, 6 or more times a week?  What about now?  If you’re man has a high libido and you’re only being intimate once a week or less, you’re practically begging for infidelity.  Now I’m not just pinning the blame on you- there needs to be communication from both of you.  Is he telling you he wants sex more?  If he is, and you make excuses (kids, tired, headache, etc) you’re really begging for it.  If he’s not asking for sex- but you used to have a very active sex life, ask yourself (and him) what’s changed?  Is he suppressing his desires, because you’re tired, etc.?  Does he have a psychological  reason for not asking for sex?  Maybe it’s your attractiveness (are you taking care of yourself like you did? Weight, makeup, clothing).  

Now some of you are probably feeling very argumentative (if not downright defensive), and that’s natural.  No one want’s to be blamed for another’s infidelity, and that’s not what I’m actually doing- you’re not really to blame, if you didn’t do it on purpose.  However- you’re now armed with a little bit of knowledge and awareness.  Quit making excuses for being tired, or overweight, or whatever reason you have for not having great sex like you had early on in your relationship.  If you’re tired- communicate to him what he can do to make you less tired, so you feel like sex more (note: don’t make impossible lists for him to do, and when he helps with your requests- you better follow through).  If you have ‘a lot’ of headaches, or you just don’t ‘feel’ like sex- then see a doctor.  Men will only accept so many excuses, so many times.  After that, other issues can crop up for him (are you cheating on him? emotional problems from him feeling undesirable, etc)  Start somewhere, rekindle that spark in both yourself and your mate, and explore your sexuality- it will not only hold you together, but create a bond that can transcend the bedroom and enhance virtually every aspect of your lives.

You younger women: take note!  Don’t let complacency, work, kids, or any other aspect of your growing life take away from what you have now.  You can have it all- but you may need to take an honest look at prioritizing your life, beginning with your relationship with your mate.  Don’t let it change any more than you have to, and when you do, compensate however, and whenever you can.

Best of luck finding yourselves in yoursexuality.

~Marilyn

I’d like to take the chance to apologize for making a lot of generalizations, and not going into greater detail, or for full or partial omissions of details- I didn’t want this to be an entire book- though it could easily become a good one.  If you have any thoughts, questions, or comments- please let me know.  I’ll make some changes and additions as time permits.

Both of you:  We rely on our sense of touch so much during lovemaking that sometimes we forget the power of our other senses.  No doubt that smell, taste, and sight also play a role, but none of those is as powerful as sound.  It stimulates the brain in directions the other senses hadn’t even thought of…

This can be a difficult, (well-not so much difficult as awkward) subject to broach.  It certainly doesn’t add to the romance at hand- asking what your partner does or doesn’t like to hear during foreplay and/or sex.  However- go ahead and ‘bite the bullet’ on being a little awkward, because once that information is gained, you have a powerful, powerful tool at your disposal.  While I wouldn’t recommend asking a first-time partner if she likes to talk dirty- I would certainly suggest those a little more familiar with each other discuss it. 

I would suggest a similar approach:

You (male or female):  Honey, I read that sometimes talking dirty can increase sexual pleasure.  Is that something you like or don’t like?

There are several possible responses:

 Possible response #1- Yea!  I’d love to try that

Possible response #2- No, it doesn’t really do anything for me

Possible response #3- I’ve never really thought about it… what do you want to do?

The next thing to do is tell your partner what you would like.  Don’t, don’t, don’t change your answer to match what you think they want to hear.  Be open and honest.  It’s about pleasing each other, even if that means trying something new or outside your comfort zone once in a while.  Talk about limits- are there words or phrases that are off limits?  What about words or phrases that turn you on?

Most people have different moods- especially women (no offense!).  Sometimes women want it soft and gentle, and the next night they might want you to try and break the bed.  

What I would suggest is a ‘code’ word or phrase to let your partner know what your in the mood for that evening.  Take your cues, and act accordingly.  Something like this:

Her: “Thanks for remembering to pick up some bread on your way home.  *whispers* Take me to heaven?”

He know knows that saying “Take me to heaven” means she would like a slow, sensual night- and to keep the dirty talk out.  

or

Her: “Thanks honey for remembering to pick up the bread on your way home tonight.  *whispers* Rock my world?”

He knows that she’s interested in being a little more physical tonight- being dominated to the extent you’ve hopefully discovered as the right amount.

or

Her: “Thanks honey for remembering to pick up the bread on your way home tonight.  *whispers* What’s your desire tonight, baby?”

Him: (realizing she’s open to what he would like) “I’d like my dirty girl tonight”

Her: (takes his hand and has him grab her hair) “Ooooh! You want to eat my pussy first, or shall I be your little whore and suck your cock?!”  (He now knows through the cues that she’s game, and is ok with it being a little rougher tonight)

It can be a bit of role playing, but the key is communicating- and armed with the knowledge of what you both are comfortable with (which can change over time), and what you both like- what you say, and how you say it can speak volumes in a matter of seconds, and lead to a fulfilling night where neither party misses out on what they really wanted.

Communication!  :)

Extra:  Don’t think that ‘dirty talk’ has to be either loud or vulgar.  A whispered phrase that you wouldn’t say in everyday conversation can send a shiver of ecstasy down your partners spine.  Guys: Try whispering what you are going to do to her- be it slow and gentle or fast and rough.  Include some other senses for her to think about (women are driven more by other senses than men), like (whispering) “...and then I’m going to unbutton your blouse from behind, taking in your perfume as I then kiss my way up your neck to your ear…”.   Given a little time to think about those words, those senses…most women will look forward to that moment- and start the imagination going as to what you will do next. 

Ladies:   I hope that you are not afraid to wear lingerie just because you’re not a size 6.  Guys love their gals in something sexy- even larger gals

If your night wardrobe contains more cotton and flannel than silk and satin…. seriously?  Sizzle it up with your mate.  If you’ve got a few extra pounds, there are of course better choices than others- but if you’re in doubt…ask HIM!  Take him to your local boutique (that is one shopping trip he won’t turn down).  Try some on. If a guy says this outfit looks better than that- despite what you may think….he’s gonna be honest on this one.  Trust me.  

After enjoying some crazy passion that night, you can always throw on that comfy flannel Hello-Kitty thing on afterwards.

Ladies: Want to be on his mind all day?

Place your hand on his crotch as you give him a long (5-15 seconds) slow kiss.  Don’t grab-(you could give one slight rub upward or downward) but use just enough pressure to let him know your hand is there intentionally.

When you pull away, follow with ‘sultry doe-eyes’ or a subtle lip bite, and tell him you will ‘see him later’.  

Be forewarned, you must follow through that night with your silent offer or lose credibility… no backing out on your foreshadowing invitation, short of the house burning down, or being in a freak javelin accident.  Seriously.

Guys: This shows nice technique- a lot of guys do it wrong.  You grab enough hair, generally towards the base, and gently pull- not hard enough to hurt (unless she asks), but enough to let her know you’re in control- you’re the dominant.  Another method is to put your fingers (spread) into her hair, again at the base, and grab a short handful (3-4 inches) now you can (gently) push, pull, turn her head- again showing your control.  While in the doggystyle, if you’re positioned well enough to be balanced, you can place your other hand over the front of her neck and chin as well- this combined with the hair pull can be an erotic high for the both of you.

If you’re getting head, you can use the same hair pull technique, but make sure your palm is up (think like grabbing your penis).  Don’t force her face into you (again, unless she’s really into forcefulness), just let her know, at least for the moment, she’s yours by providing a combination of slight resistance to her head movement and guiding her speed.

Ladies: any thoughts?  Like it? Love it? Other tips?

Chandra suggests:

Ladies: communicate as necessary- if he’s pulling too hard, or he’s grabbing hair too high, or not enough hair- don’t be afraid to say something, even if it ‘ruins the moment’ for a bit.  There is no sense in being uncomfortable, or distracted by it- it should enhance, not detract.  On the other side of the coin- if you want it pulled harder, for goodness sake’s say something! He’s not going to think less of you for wanting it a little rougher.  And above all, if he’s getting it just right…. a nice ‘mmmmmmmm…’ will do just fine.

We agree, Chandra!  Thanks!